We recently did a fake survey, based on no known facts and came up with the made up number of 4.75. That is the number of people who typically read this blog . To you, the dedicated, I apologize. Even to the .75 of a person who really rounds out this fake statistic. I’ve been slack, I’ve been lazy, I suffer from a horrible affliction called procrastinatitis. This disease is a creeper, having it’s insidious way with it’s innocent prey. It has no know cure and it’s victims often display such symptoms as whittling away productive time using Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest (JK, I don’t even know what that is!) My time has been most ineffectively abused. Most of it has been pissed away swooshing down the powder covered slopes of Whistler and Blackcomb, some of it has been wasted in the air, and the rest of my precious blog writing time was squandered on a new baby. (my wife may disagree with this one!) This is all water under the bridge now, as I have a very real, and time sensitive topic to discuss. How can we make it snow?
There is much debate in the ski/farming world about artificially incentifying mother nature to make it snow. The farmers are less concerned about snow than rain, but I’m inclined to include them as allies here because without them we would be soooo hungry! This practice is called Weather Modification and the specific incarnation for us is Cloud Seeding. This involves spraying small particles, such as aluminium oxide, barium, (like silver iodide) onto clouds in order to affect their development, usually with the goal of increasing precipitation. The increased precipitation part sounds great, although I am slightly concerned about the idea of our snow pack consisting mostly of aluminum oxide, as I think it won’t be as fast as regular snow and could be very unforgiving to land on. (ever jumped off a second story balcony into a pile of beer cans? Don’t)
I feel like there may be a better, and possibly less invasive way to accomplish our goal of making it snow more, and more often. With that in mind i’ve done some highly methodical research to see if there are any correlations between snowfall and other “outside the box” factors that the Weather Modification experts may have missed. The Mayan calendar proved insightful (though very hard to read) and it has unfortunately expired. The Farmer’s Almanac was also overflowing with sage divinations, but again the veracity of these predictions are as hard to prove as OJ’s glove size. But then I stumbled onto something so elemental, so completely littered with hard evidence that I figured there must be some type of conspiracy in play to cover this up. I’ve currently gone into hiding in preparation for the certain backlash that is coming my way for releasing this bombshell. If you hear of some strange accident involving an unsecured piano falling on my head, or a single Peak Chair falling from the cable, you’ll know that “they” got me. Here it is; If you want it to snow, schedule a race.
That’s right. The mountain of evidence is indisputable. Whistler’s famous leg burning nightmare of a GS, the Peak to Valley; snowed every year since it’s inception (warning: evidence may be circumstantial at best, completely made is far more likely) Whistler Mountain’s fabulous Winter Start festival, which included a World Cup downhill race was cancelled three years in a row for… you guessed it! Heavy snowfall, before it was unceremoniously shipped off to the drier and more race friendly climate of Lake Louise. The final nail in the coffin is being driven in as we speak. Currently in Whistler We are playing host to the future of ski racing’s glitterati. The Whistler Cup. Along with Trofeo Toppolino in Italy, Whistler Cup is widely regarded as the World Championships for U-16 ski racing. The best and fastest gather from powerhouse alpine nations to blister slalom courses, strut their stuff, and show off the absolute pinnacle of spandex technology. And guess what? It’s dumping. It’s a sneaky sort of snow storm, with rain in the valley convincing the non believers that it’s a sopping mess up there. But up there, waaaay up there, it’s snowing. Hard. And there will be powder for the lucky few willing to hunt it down.
Whether you believe me or not doesn’t matter. I know, and they know I know, and now you know too. If I were you I would find a place to hunker down and ride out the inevitable shit storm of controversy, as well as the threats and danger to personal safety sure to be brought against us as co-conspirators in unveiling this treacherous plot. I suggest the top of Spanky’s Ladder, or the Highest entrance to West Cirque. With their total lack of grooming and absence of red and blue gates, there’s no way the shadowy snow merchants of the FIS will find us there. Good luck and lay low.
Hope to live to ride a chair with you soon.